Must Win Blog

Guess Who's Back

2008-03-25T01:13:00.001-07:00

It's been a while.

For two months I stopped writing and for two months everyone who doesn't read this blog kept not reading. It's roughly 5:30 a.m. right now where I am and regardless of what time the post will read, as blogger.com is clearly located somewhere in the western Aleutian Islands, it's friggin late right now. Yes, I'm staying up all night for Konichiwa Day, even though I hate the Red Sox as much as I hate the Tar Heels or the Patriots.

It's the first game of the Major League Baseball season. And considering that if the NBA and NHL were TV shows instead of professional sports leagues they would have been canceled after 13 games each, the hibernation period of winter is over.

I'm in the midst of my greatest sports year since pre-school. Seriously. In 1986, the Celtics, Mets and Giants were world champions. Duke basketball was in the national championship game and Notre Dame football was on the brink of a national title. If you, like any red-blooded American male should, have six favorite sports teams — MLB, NFL, NBA, NHL, college basketball, college football — and three win championships in the same year, it will probably never happen again.

Realizing that my peak as a sports fan happened at age 5, and further realizing that my only memory of those three titles is the image of Jesse Orosco throwing his glove in the air at the end of Game 7, I understand that those moments are few and far between.

Because of that, it's safe to say I enjoyed the Giants' win in Super Bowl 42 more than any other game in my lifetime. For one, I wasn't 5. But more importantly, I hated the other team. The undefeated, perfect team from a town I've grown to hate over the years (even though the Celtics will always be my No. 1 team of all; that's how f***ing annoying Red Sox and Patriots fans are). The Giants beat the crap out of the Pats. Every football analyst broke the game down into sections from the opening kickoff to Randy Moss not wanting to jump for that 60-yard bomb that would have made me punch/kick/break whatever was in front/next/near me. But for me, the play that's YouTubed in my head is when Jay Alford steamrolled into the backfield in the final minute and knocked Tom Brady into mid-air like Charlie Murphy had just kicked Rick James into the mirror on Chappelle's Show. It was great and it was perfect, but the greatness continued.

Within a week Duke beat North Carolina in Chapel Hill (clearly now not an omen of things to come) and the Mets signed Johan Santana. Think of a better week in your sports life. Does your favorite football team win the Super Bowl , your favorite baseball team trade for the best pitcher in the league and your favorite college basketball team beat their bitter, better rival on their home floor in 7 days? Probably not. But they did and they did and they did.

Is it all downhill from there? Of course it is. It's always downhill when you're at the top just like it's always uphill when you're at the bottom. That's why guys love sports.

Bad jobs get worse, bad relationships drive you insane and bad Chinese food can keep you within 10 feet of a bathroom for three days straight, but your team will get better.

That bad contract will expire, that horrible GM will get fired (unless you're a Knicks fan), your team will make the playoffs, the best free agent will sign with your team or you'll win the draft lottery. Good things always happen to loyal sports fans. It may take a long time and you may need six "favorite teams" for it to happen just once in your lifetime, but greatness in sports is cyclical. Your team will be good again. Time heals all sports wounds.

Just ask those all idiot Red Sox fans that are awake right now.

Cheaters Never Win

2008-02-03T21:54:00.000-08:00

I'm not going to spend a lot of time on this entry right now.

I'm too busy celebrating the Giants' Super Bowl win, the Patriots' Super Bowl loss, Bill Belichick's lack of class, Junior Seau's lack of a ring and the Patriots' ability to win their 18 least important games of the season.

I hope all you New England fans will be able to deal with this loss with as much class as you displayed during all your wins this year. Your season is a failure. Your coach is a fraud. Your quarterback isn't perfect. Your line isn't inpenetrable. Your running back isn't anything special. Your team set the record for most wins in a season without winning the Super Bowl and your team didn't win the only game this season that mattered. Take your 18 wins and try to trade them to a Giants fan for just this last one. No one's biting? Too bad. Live with it.

Amani Toomer, Plaxico Burress and Steve Smith have a ring. Randy Moss, Wes Welker and Donte Stallworth don't. I guess the Giants' receivers really are better than the Pats receivers in some ways.

The best subplot, out of the millions that were artificially generated by bored media members who were forced to submit stories each day over the last two weeks, was Burress giving his "prediction" that the Giants were going to win 23-17. It was based on nothing, I guess it was his old number or his favorite number against his current number or something, just because someone asked him for a final score.

He didn't make a guarantee, or even a real prediction. He just gave an answer to the media and it got blown out of proportion just like everything else does nowadays. But Tom Brady wanted to take it a step further. He laughed at the notion that the G-Men could hold his mighty Patriots to just 17 points. "Is Plaxico playing defense?" Ha ha ha. Well, how does 14 points sound Tom? Ha ha ha.

Bill Simmons, The Sports Guy, ESPN's darling columnist, predicted the Pats would romp and compared this Patriots team to a team he would create in Madden. Simmons also created the "Eff You" phrase this season, as in the Pats scoring "Eff You" touchdowns just for the hell of it to run up the score. Well, Bill, you could have used one of those "Eff You" touchdowns in this game. Because after dealing with four straight intolerable months of listening to Patriots players and New England fans this year, I can't think of anything that sums it up better for me, so, I'll try it, Bill. Eff You. Wow, that feels pretty good. Let me try it again. Eff You!!!

Kiss the ring Pats fans, but not the old dusty ones that you stole when the other teams weren't looking. Kiss the new one, the one you thought was yours...

Fool Me Once, Shame On You...

2008-02-02T13:59:00.000-08:00

...Fool me a bunch of times, win three or four rings.

So this Matt Walsh guy claims to have taped a bunch of stuff for the Patriots from 1998 to 2003. Not surprising. Usually when an individual or group gets caught cheating, it's not the first time they tried it. I doubt the Pats started videotaping other teams in Week 1 of this season. There will probably be a bunch of Matt Walsh's to come out of the woodwork.

I went to college with a guy named Matt Walsh and I didn't trust him either. The Patriots' Walsh could potentially blow this whole Spygate/Belicheat wide open, casting shadows of doubt on all of the wins the Patriots have accumulated in the last decade.

That's bad enough. But today, an unnamed source claimed to have stayed behind to tape the St. Louis Rams' walkthrough before Super Bowl XXXVI, which the Pats then won the next day despite being 14-point underdogs. That was their first Super Bowl win.

Can I say for sure that New England has cheated its way to three (hopefully not four) Super Bowl rings? No. The only thing that I know for sure is that Belichick had a terrible video staff in Cleveland.

Johan, Chuck, Doug and Kwame

2008-02-02T00:30:00.000-08:00

From the time it was announced that the Mets had somehow moved ahead of the Yankees and Red Sox into the driver's seat of the Johan Santana derby, I couldn't help but think something was going to go wrong. And now, with the extension agreed upon, I still feel that way. Someone's failing a physical. That's just the Mets fan in me.

I'm glad all interested parties were able to agree on a contract extension, but it really took four days? Who raises their hand and asks the teacher for an extension in this situation? Is it Omar, is it the Twins, is it Johan? Get it done you dopes. I procrastinate as much as the next guy. I'm the one who did homework during 3rd period study hall when it was due in 4th period. I get it. But these guys make millions to run their own little fantasy teams, and 96 hours later you gotta call up Dud Selig and tell him that you need two more hours?

Maybe if the Mets took four days to think about Victor Zambrano, we'd still have Scott Kazmir in the rotation.

I have to say, with (a healthy) Santana, Pedro, John Maine, Oliver Perez and El Duque, not only do the Mets have the required 80% Spanish-speaking rotation under the Minaya regime, but it's automatically a top 5 starting 5 in the majors. Boston is great, as is Arizona with Haren added to Webb, but if, and it's a huge if, the Mets pitchers stay healthy, you would have to assume the playoffs are a guarantee and the National League World Series berth is ours for the taking.

In other news:

Tiger Woods holds just a one-stroke lead after two rounds of the Dubai Desert Classic. Apparently he borrowed Curtis Strange's clubs and is playing lefty just for the hell of it.

Chuck Knoblauch carried his kid strategically in front of his face Friday to and from a House committee meeting in Washington like he was an NBA star who just got caught cheating on his wife. Nothing like holding a toddler up for the cameras to distract from the fact that you're (allegedly) a scumbag. Maybe Chuck should have positioned his kid in front of him at second base when he went to the Yankees. Could have saved him the move to left field and Keith Olbermann's mother from getting hit in the face with a baseball in the seats behind the first base dugout.

So the pride of East Hartford, Doug Wiggins, is back with the Huskies. I'm a little confused though. Does the first UConn player to fail four drug tests win or lose?

Staying with UConn, does recruiting a smart kid who went to one high school, has never been arrested and can hit an 18-foot jump shot go against school policy? Or was it just too easy with Ray Allen and Rip Hamilton around, so they added a few obstacles to make winning a national championship so much harder?

Despite being a horrible basketball player, having no professional resume, being accused of rape (cleared), stealing a cake and then assaulting a man with it (not prosecuted) and getting arrested for disorderly conduct and interfering with a police officer, Kwame Brown has now been the No. 1 overall pick of the NBA draft, traded for Caron Butler and now traded for Pau Gasol. He must feel like George Costanza in the Seinfeld episode where he does the opposite of every instinct he has.
Brown: My name is Kwame. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents.
Memphis: We're the Grizzlies, hi.

Grandma and Santana

2008-01-30T02:04:00.000-08:00

Normally I would have a lot to say after the Minnesota Twins traded Johan Santana to the New York Mets. How many times in any one person's life does the best player in a sport get traded to your favorite team?

Even better, how many times does the best pitcher in Major League Baseball get traded to your favorite team for three guys who barely, if ever, played in the majors, and another guy who is basically a track star in a baseball uniform? It doesn't happen. If it does, it's once in a lifetime.

The three pitchers the Mets traded have potential — much like Alex Escobar, Alex Ochoa, Bill Pulsipher, Paul Wilson, Damon Buford and countless other busts in Mets history had potential — but potential doesn't win games or championships. Performance does. Santana is the ultimate in performance.

The one position player the Mets traded, the track star in question, is Carlos Gomez. To give you an idea of how I see Carlos Gomez, picture this: My older brother used to play slo-pitch softball in a league in Bristol. He had a teammate who was a stereotypical Irish guy. He would drink like a fish after the games (before I think, too), he had red hair, a ton of freckles and to top it all off, his name was Mickey. He was a muscular guy, all jacked up, and every time he got up to the plate, he would take a monster hack.

Now, picture a 5-year-old playing his first T-Ball game, taking a swing and only connecting with the tee. Mickey and the 5-year-old would get the same results, lucky if the ball reached the pitcher's mound.

Anyway, Gomez, Mickey and the T-Baller basically have the same swing. They swing for the fences, chop the ball down the third-base line and beat the throw to first for an infield hit. From seeing that for a half seaso, I could care less that Gomez got traded. It's just my gut instinct. I don't think he's going to be that great. He may be good, but not great. So, to recap, the Mets traded four guys who have accomplished nothing in the major leagues for the best pitcher in baseball. Sounds good to me.

The only problem(s) now is that the contract extension may not get worked out, Santana could reject the trade, the pitcher I never heard of could fail a physical and any number of Mets-type issues that seem to always pop up will eventually pop up. Kevin Mulvey could have a partially torn labrum, Santana could say he wants to go to the Sox or Yanks instead and Omar Minaya could hold out and try and make it a three-way deal to re-acquire Victor Zambrano.

I'm not getting my hopes up until I see Johan Santana in a Mets uniform on a pitcher's mound in Port St. Lucie in March. Not a minute before.

However, the main reason I can't get excited right now is more of a family matter.

Every family has its members that have quirks, funny habits or traditions. One of my favorites was that every time I spoke with my grandparents on the phone, one would answer and the other one would hurry and grab the other phone and turn it into a conference call. They used to summer in Vermont and spend winters in Daytona Beach — not a bad gig if you ask me — but as they got older and health issues popped up, they stayed in Daytona year round.

The funny part of the conversations was trying to talk to both my grandmother and grandfather at the same time. We would chat about what was going on, what was new, the weather or anything else that came up. Gramps knows I'm a huge sports guy, so inevitably the conversation would turn to that. My grandfather was a Michael Jordan fan back in the Bulls heyday but he would always talk about the Miami Heat or the Orlando Magic, mainly because that's what was in the local papers every day. After all, NBA games don't end by 8 p.m. (his bed time) so what was in the papers was what he knew about.

My grandmother, not into a sport not called NASCAR, would then sit quietly on the line while me and my grandfather would talk about the Florida sports scene or the Celtics or the Mets or whatever was going on up north. My favorite part was when she had enough of listening to me and Gramps talk on and on about details of a game that happened a week ago and she would finally chime in, loudly, and say, "Well alright then!" That was her way of saying, "I don't know what the hell you're talking about but you guys sound like nerds and I'm bored, so wrap it up."

I always waited for, and loved, that part of the conversation. It was just her. Loving, caring, patient — to a point — and completely real. She was the best.

She died on Monday. It was her time to wrap it up. In a world full of complainers, whiners, prima donnas and spoiled brats — especially a sports world full of them — she didn't complain. If you looked at the NFL injury report in Week 16 and went through what was wrong with each player, well, she probably had entire teams beat just on her own. She lived her life — all 86 years of it — for her family.

While most Mets fans can rejoice today about the news of Johan Santana, I just can't. At least not yet. But maybe that's a good thing. The high points of Mets seasons usually come around January anyway. I'll mourn for now. Hopefully I can rejoice in October.

Pull The Bandwagon Over, Everybody Off!!!

2008-01-24T22:52:00.000-08:00

I've been thoroughly enjoying the Giants' surprising run through the playoffs. They were picked to be around the 6-10 mark and finish last in the NFC East by most "experts" before the season started. (Blogger's note: "Expert" means someone who is paid to give an opinion or prediction on TV, in print or online who in no way has to be either accurate or accountable for said opinion or prediction. Many media outlets let two "experts" give two predictions so said outlet will always be "right".)

The problem I have now is that everyone, for some reason, seems to be treating the G-Men like they're the favorite. Most people picked Tampa Bay, Dallas and then Green Bay to eliminate Big Blue. Now all of a sudden, out of fear of being wrong four times in a row in a sport with a four-round playoff system, people are jumping ship. Guys, I don't think now is the time to jump ship.

Let's pretend the Patriots lose the Super Bowl (which may, unfortunately, be the only way the Patriots lose the Super Bowl).

The Pats already have the most wins in a single NFL season. You could make the argument that an 18-1 Patriots team could still be the best squad in league history. The only team that you could bring up in an argument would be the 1972 Dolphins, and I'm pretty sure all the "experts" would take this year's Pats in a fantasy matchup of the two teams.

What they did this year was unbelievable, especially in this era of the salary cap, parity, supermodels, candid cameras, superstar wide receivers who tank and get traded for 11 cents on the dollar, coaches who can't cut it in the big leagues and call their coach friends and tell them to trade for a certain possession wide receiver before running — tail firmly between legs — back to college, quarterbacks who can't even start when they're in college and then get put into the game only because of an injury to the starting QB and somehow become one of the best of all time, safeties who take HGH, a fan base that multiplies with each win like they were vulnerable, college-aged rabbits locked in a bedroom with nothing but cheap vodka and a Barry White album playing on an eternal loop...God, I hate the Patriots.

My point is, the Pats have not lost a game this year. Are the Giants' hot? Sure. But where is your money going? On the team with the three-game winning streak or the team with the 18-game winning streak that beat the team with the three-game winning streak four games ago?

People fall in love with the underdog. It's natural. But you're all jinxing us. When this many people align themselves with the trendy, popular pick, it never works out. The Giant bandwagon has been a fun ride the last few weeks, but it's getting really crowded. Get off. The New England wagon, much like the Boston Red Sox wagon, has infinite capacity. Hop on. They're always looking for new riders. But be warned, a few years from now, if you don't get off that wagon quick enough, you'll be sitting alone.

Spew Stew

2008-01-23T23:25:00.000-08:00

Chris "Mad Dog" Russo, or this week, "The Marquis", is in the midst of whining and complaining about his listeners' lack of knowledge while trying to give away Super Bowl tickets during the annual trivia contest on WFAN-660. Where does he get off being Alex Trebek one week — condescending toward his own fans because they don't know the answers to questions he made up and is looking at — and the other 51 weeks out of the year he doesn't have the basic current event sports knowledge to be able to host a public access show.

Speaking of Russo, during one discussion a couple weeks back, he was critiquing the NFL All-Pro teams and managed to mispronounce four names in under a minute. I bet you didn't know DeVon Hester, Asante Samuels, Flonzell Adams and Rod Barajas were going to the Pro Bowl. I can understand mixing up Devin with DeVon and adding an "s" to Samuel's last name and even throwing in an "n" for Flozell. But Rod Barajas? Sure it's kinda similar to Rob Bironas, but Doggie, you talk about sports for 5½ hours a day 5 days a week. Can you at least pretend to care about accuracy? Can a free agent catcher not be the Tennessee Titans' Pro Bowl kicker?

Right now ESPN is doing a "Family Feud" segment on SportsCenter about the Orlando Magic with Greg Anthony and Tim Legler as the "families" and talking torso Steve Levy playing the Richard Dawson, Ray Combs, Louie Anderson, Al Borland, J. Peterman role. Anthony "buzzed" in first, by hitting the podium, and "guessed" his answer, which was accompanied by graphics and video that somehow appeared in synch with his "answer". After the "game" was over, I think Dwight Howard came on and thanked us for playing. Has ESPN reached the point where it knows there is no other national sports network to pose a challenge in the ratings so it just does whatever the hell it wants? Is there a bed big enough for all of ESPN and every professional athlete to share at once? If ESPN had the sports equivalent of CBS, NBC and FOX to compete with, the programming would be drastically different. Trust me. It might even be watchable.

On Wednesday, Barry Bonds asked a federal judge to dismiss perjury charges. I was able to get my hands on a transcript:
Bonds: "Judge, can you get me off the hook? For old times' sake?"
Judge: "Can't do it Barry."
*Bonds rides off in car with three members of jury*

Maria Sharapova and Ana Ivanovic are in the Australian Open women's final. I know you know Sharapova, but you may not know Ivanovic. YouTube her, trust me. If the people running the Aussie Open could call Vince McMahon so he could arrange Anna Kournikova as a special guest referee...hold on, I have to go set my TiVo...Is there an empty spot in that bed with ESPN and the pro athletes? If Ana and Maria are there I guess I can ignore Neil Everett and Skip Bayless seeing who can annoy the most people in America at one time.

Where have you gone, Chuck Knoblauch? (Sing it in your head as "where have you gone Chucky Knob-a-lock? Marshals want to subpoena you, ooh ooh ooh...")

The Celtics lost yesterday, but it's hard to get upset about it. It's been a while since the Celtics' losing a game was a news story, instead of the Celtics' winning a game being a news story, or a skit on SportsCenter.

Enough with the Eli stories. No he hasn't arrived. He's been here. He's been in the playoffs three straight years. He's not Peyton. He's not great. He's a good NFL quarterback, like he has been. Did Trent Dilfer arrive in 2000? No. Did Dan Marino never arrive? No. Or yes. Whichever one means he arrived, he just didn't get a ring. Stop it. Please. One quarterback wins a Super Bowl each year. Does that mean 31 quarterbacks suck each year? No. Can we just play the Super Bowl three days after the conference championships? You get your game stories, your follow-up the day after, your preview the day before and then your Super Bowl. It's enough.

Nolan Ryan declined to discuss steroids in baseball. If we just had a few more reporters that declined to write about it and a few more readers who declined to read about it, we'd be headed in the right direction. I understand it's an important issue, but the overkill about Bonds and roids and Mitchell and everything else, I think most people are numb to it. I honestly don't care who did it or when. The biggest issue with steroids in baseball is trying to figure out who was on it and how to adjust your fantasy draft for it. That's basically it. I've stayed away from Miguel Tejada and Jason Giambi for a few years now. That's the interesting part.
Let's just get spring training started. Each steroids story just reminds me of one of my favorite Simpsons quotes:

Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done!
Homer: You say that so often that it lost its meaning.

Just set the fantasy draft up and play ball. Play the Super Bowl first, but then, play ball.

The Jinx

2008-01-23T00:04:00.000-08:00

I know I'm slippin' again as far as posting to this thing, but as sports fans know, superstition can sometimes take over where rational thought used to live. I would look much better if I had come on here and predicted a Giants win over Tampa Bay, then another one over Dallas and a third one over the Pack. Then I could say "I told you so" and it would be here, documented as proof.

Well I didn't, so I can't. But I did.

I knew we (yes "we", sue me) were going to beat Tampa Bay. I'm not sure how a 9-7 team who was my first survival pool victim in Week 1 (by Seattle) managed to be favored over the Giants, but it happened. And most people picked Tampa Bay to win. Not only did people pick the Bucs, but I had to listen all week about Joey Galloway and Ike Hilliard and how they would abuse the Giants' secondary and about how Jeff Garcia had our number. In hindsight, it's disgusting. Anyone who picked Tampa should be ashamed of themselves.

I went over the Dallas thing in my last post. I thought it was a toss-up, but I felt like we had a chance. It's hard to beat a single team three times in one season, and Tony Romo, for all those keeping score, is not John Elway. He's not even Elisp Manning (holder of three playoff wins to Romo's zero).

Can we relax on Romeo for a while? Cowboys QB, dating whoever he wants, etc., etc. That's great. Notch the belt Tony. We're all rooting for you there, but the guy threw his first-ever NFL pass Week 6 of last season. He didn't get a start until Week 8. The guy has been an NFL starter for only a year and a half. Does everyone forget this?

The first game where he played a major role was in relief of Drew Bledsoe in Week 7 last season. He threw three picks and lost...to the Giants. Not everyone can come on in relief of Drew Bledsoe and immediately become a Hall of Famer. It just looks that way because of Drew Bledsoe.

In Week 13 last season, Romo and the Cowboys beat the Giants. His QB rating was 58.1 that game.

In the final five games of 2006, Romo had ratings of 58, 58, 113, 45 and 111. He started 10 games and made the Pro Bowl because the NFC sucks. You don't even have to be alive to make the NFC Pro Bowl team.

Sure he had a better year this year, but he still won a game in which he threw five picks, choked badly against the Eagles in Week 15 and came up anything but big in the game against the Pats. If Tony Romo had an older brother, let's say Carlo, and he was an all-time great and won his Super Bowl ring and was contractually obligated to be in every commercial that airs on Sundays, Tony would be a notch below Elisp right now.

Don't forget, in two playoff games, Tony has dropped the snap on a game-winning field goal attempt and gone 18-for-36 with a 64.7 rating before lofting an interception into the end zone with nine seconds left.

Two playoff games, two final plays: Fumbling a snap to botch a field goal; throwing an INT into the end zone. Cowboys fans, please, insert your own "That's my quarterback" joke here. It'll make you feel better.

NFC Championship Game: Giants at Packers.

Again, for some reason, no one gave the Giants a shot. Except, of course, for New Haven Register gambling writer Dan Nowak. Right after the Giants took care of the Cowboys, I called Dan to talk smack for picking against the G-Men for the second week in a row. Apparently I wasn't the only one.

Dan then hopped on the bandwagon and picked the Giants to beat Green Bay, in my opinion, to jinx the Gints. I asked him to reconsider, momentarily contemplating changing his column that was to appear in last Sunday's paper, something along the lines of "Packers 41, Giants 0." But the G-Men survived the Curse of Nowak (I can't say the same for a number of horses over the last few months) and reached the Super Bowl, the Super Rematch. Another chapter in New York vs. Boston, or technically, New Jersey vs. Connecticut, Rhode Island, Massachusetts, Vermont, New Hampshire and Maine.

(Side note: Can the Red Sox please change their name to New England also? You guys have Vermont Day and Maine Day and then you bring that freakin' trophy to New Haven and Hartford to show it off. It's enough already with the Red Sox Nation. Let's see how that nation holds up when times get tough. How's Raider Nation doing right now? Didn't think so.)

Everyone was saying it was going to be too cold for the Giants and then there's Brett Favre and Lambeau Field and blah blah blah. Enough with Brett Favre. He's been covered ad nauseum so I won't add to it. But he throws picks. And he throws them in big spots. There's your ballgame.

Since the advent of HD, I can't say that I ever wished I was NOT watching a game in high def, but seeing Tom Coughlin's face on a regular set was enough for me. I can only imagine that puss in HD. You must have been able to see blood vessels.

He looked like Larry Fine after 50 takes because Moe couldn't get the slap right. Did anyone else think he was going to have to go straight to the hospital after the game, maybe even at halftime? Now he's going to Arizona for the Super Bowl. Lambeau to Arizona. He'll probably evaporate.

You know how some boxers just get the crap beat out of them in a fight but they hold on and gut it out and finally get the win but you know they'll never be the same again? That game had to take a couple years off of Tom's career, which isn't going to be that much longer anyway.

All in all, I'm a happy guy right now. My teams are doing well. The Celtics are cruising, the Bruins are in the playoff mix, the G-Men are going to the Super Bowl, the Mets are at least a contender every year (a far, far cry from the 90s), the Dukies are in the Top 5 and Notre Dame football is nowhere in sight. I'll explain my allegiances in a future blog. Just putting them out there so you know where I stand.

I'll get to my Super Bowl analysis as we get closer to the game. Notice I didn't say "expert" analysis. There are no experts, remember that. Nobody knows anything.

That's why games are played on a field, not in a studio in Bristol.

Take a Look at My G-Men

2008-01-06T13:30:00.000-08:00

Hey all, sorry for the delay. I figured since I don't get the holidays off for my real job, I would take the holidays off from my blog.

Elisp actually won a playoff game. Hold on, I'll get back to that in a second...

Tennessee just used 8 receivers on its first play against San Diego. Call me crazy, but if you shift into a one-man offensive line with 8 guys split out for the first play of a playoff game, you're admitting that you don't think you can win. I don't even need to watch the rest of the game. Next week, San Diego will take on Indy and the Pats will host the Jaguars. Back to the G-Men.

Just to give you an example of how football fans, Giant or not, view Elisp Manning, I used a joke in a text message to one of my Redskin buddies and two hours later received the same joke from a Giant buddy, with one small exception.

2:30 p.m.
Redskin fan: Where has this Eli been all year?
Me: That's Peyton warming up during the bye week, Eli will be back next week.

4:30 p.m.
Me: Bring on the Cowboys!
Giant fan: I think that was Archie playing today.

Not a lot of trust there, which doesn't bode well for next Sunday against Dallas. However, as the eternal optimist-type fan, there are a few shimmers of silver lining emerging from around the black cloud hovering over Texas Stadium (or Dallas Stadium, if you're Howie Long).

1. Silver Lining: With the Redskins out of the picture, the Giants will be on the road for however long they last in the playoffs. The Giants are 8-1 on the road this year. Black Cloud: The "1" was in Dallas.

2. Silver Lining: The other two teams still alive in the NFC — Green Bay and Seattle — are without question the two hardest places to play on the road, especially in January. Black Cloud: Dallas is no picnic.

3. Silver Lining: Eli Manning's most recent playoff memory is winning on the road at Tampa Bay to get his first ever postseason victory as quarterback of the New York Football Giants. Tony Romo's most recent playoff memory is fumbling the snap on a 19-yard field goal attempt with under two minutes left in the Cowboys' 21-20 loss to Seattle in the first round of last year's playoffs. Black Cloud: If Romeo hadn't committed one of the most individually pathetic gag jobs in the history of all things sport, he would have won his first playoff game in his first attempt and possibly gone on to bigger and better things last January. Plus, I'm sure he wants to get that taste out of his mouth.

4. Silver Lining: Terrell Owens has a bad ankle. Black Cloud: Plaxico Burress has had a bad ankle since he was on the Steelers. He practices less than Sterling Sharpe did back in the day.

(Update: Vince Young is down and not getting up; maybe Tennessee does have a shot. And now we go to a commercial, which of course features Peyton Manning. I still find it hard to believe that this guy gets so many endorsements and I still don't know anyone that likes him. I don't even think Eli likes him anymore.)

I guess to sum it all up, it's just good to get a playoff win. It's been way too long.

You remember that feeling Boston fans, don't you? Just happy to get a playoff win.

Nah, probably not.

It's a Festivus Miracle!

2007-12-18T22:15:00.000-08:00

I would like to be the first to offer my congratulations to George Costanza on his new promotion. In case you didn't hear, on Tuesday the New York Yankees fired traveling secretary David Szen. My sources tell me that Costanza, assistant to the traveling secretary, will assume the role immediately.

Pick 'em If You Got 'em

2007-12-18T10:36:00.000-08:00

I'm in an NFL Pick 'Em league with about 25 other people and finally won this week for the first time since late in the 2005 season. Funny thing is, I think I've beaten Bill Simmons each week. When's he gonna give up and just let his wife ghostwrite his Friday column?

What's My Q?

2007-12-17T21:18:00.000-08:00

Not a terrible Monday Night Football game this week. It helps if you mute your television and have a copy of the newest Maxim on hand. I guess MNF has gotten to the point where if the score isn't 37-0 early in the third quarter, it's a good game.

Once the Vikings went up 20-13 late in the fourth, you knew fourth-string QB Dave Grohl had no chance of engineering a 90-yard, game-tying drive in 2½ minutes, but to heave a bomb from midfield into double coverage in the end zone on 2nd down? Not the best idea in a must-win game. Wait, that was Kyle Orton at quarterback? Are you sure? Where were the Foo Fighters Monday night? I need this double-checked.

And by the way, this is my third post to this blog, the Must-Win Blog, and I just want to clarify something. This really was a must-win game for the Bears. My definition of a must-win game is where a team must win or their season and/or hopes to make the playoffs officially end. The Bears are officially out of the playoffs. Mike and the Mad Dog's definition of a must-win game is an 0-1 team going into Week 2 needing a W after a tough loss in Week 1. Big difference. I think the Chargers lost 4 "must-win games" this season before clinching their division.

I realize there's a pressure to make every single game seem important, but they're really not. Chances are if you tune into a game and expect it to be great, you'll be disappointed a few hours later. Most games aren't great. That's why we have ESPN Classic. Or that's why we used to have ESPN Classic. I think now it's for American Gladiators and Arli$$ reruns and rodeo and soccer matches that don't get ratings on ESPN2.

But anyway, that's the reason for the name.

Back to the MNF game for a second. I don't care what anyone has said about Tarvaris Jackson in the past month or two; he's terrible. He's Anthony Wright with a cooler first name and an equally common last name. Three interceptions, no touchdowns and a fumble lost. He's awful.

They say that the goaltender in hockey is the single most important player on any team sport. I'm not much of a hockey fan these days but after seeing Rex Grossman in the Super Bowl last season, Eli Manning and the Giants at 9-5 and Jackson and the Vikings at 8-6 this season and Trent Dilfer with a Super Bowl ring that wasn't pawned off by Alonzo Thomas or Joe Gilliam, I would have to agree. I would rather have Martin Brodeur than Manning behind center for the G-Men this Sunday in Buffalo. Elisp can man the crease for the Devils in Calgary.

I've taken it easy on Eli since he came into the league, partly because I'm a Giants fan and partly because we've made the playoffs the last two years and control our own destiny this year, but he's getting tougher and tougher to stick up for each week. He needs to step up this weekend in Buffalo. At least throw a spiral. Can you imagine the poor kids who pay money to go to the Manning Passing Academy and end up with Eli as an instructor? Half of the kids leave the academy 100% better, half of 'em leave off their back foot.

During the game on Sunday, the Redskins' defense started to act like that stupid dog in Duck Hunt. Each time a Giants receiver dropped one of Eli's ducks, they just stood up from behind the bushes, laughing.

In other NFL news, the Cowboys' Roy Williams was suspended for one week without pay for his third horse-collar tackle of the season. To recap, Williams was suspended for a game for a type of tackle that wasn't illegal a few years ago until he broke the leg of someone who then ended up being on his team. T.O. ends up on the short end of both sticks. Works for me.

Rocket Fuel

2007-12-15T09:43:00.000-08:00

What a great week.

We finally have an answer to the questions of "why did Roger Clemens bean Mike Piazza in the head with a fastball?" and "why did Roger Clemens throw the barrel of a bat at Mike Piazza?" and "why did Roger Clemens keep getting better and better as he got older and older, just like Barry did?"

The nectar of the baseball gods. The juice. Now both the best hitter and the best pitcher of this era are probably not going to the Hall of Fame. There will be no debate about whether Bonds will wear a Pirates cap or a significantly larger Giants cap. The dunce cap fits just fine. Nobody will get to guess whether Clemens goes in as a Red Sock, a Blue Jay, a Yankee or an Astro. Now he's just something that sounds a little like Astro.

No prominent Mets were named, at least not those prominent after the '80s — sorry Lenny — and there were 20 players with ties to the Yankees. It's a beautiful thing, if not just to be able to bust chops. The Mets' 2 rings don't really hold up in an argument across town.

"You are watching YES, the home of cheaters."

Copyright that one Hank. Come to think of it, maybe we should look into Bob Sheppard too. Fifty years as public address announcer for the Giants? Fifty-six years and counting for the Yankees? What kind of PA announcer hits his prime in his 90s? Check his locker.

Yes, the Mitchell Report was the big news for the past few days. Big deal. The only players who you didn't expect to see on the list were the players who obviously did not benefit from using performance-enhancing drugs. Paxton Crawford comes to mind. And quickly leaves it again. By the way, isn't the phrase "performance-enhancing drugs" the "weapons of mass destruction" of the sports world? PEDs from now on.

My favorite part of this whole debacle is that Senator Mitchell has the gall to tell the public to focus on the report, not the names within it. Really Senator? Don't focus on the names? So I guess you assume that news and sports channels carried your press conference live, every newspaper had front-page coverage and countless Internet sites had links to both the press conference and to the report itself for the sole purpose of us finding out whether or not baseball has a steroid problem?

Without the names you are basically saying that it took 20 months of research for you and your expert team to figure out that baseball players take steroids and HGH and should stop it. We all knew that. The names are the only thing we cared about and frankly, they weren't that surprising.

"Drugs are bad, m'kay?" Twenty months and that's what you got? Thanks Senator Mackey. When does spring training start?

This is a Must Win Blog

2007-12-04T23:04:00.000-08:00

The Florida Marlins traded Miguel Cabrera and Dontrelle Willis to the Detroit Tigers Tuesday for two top prospects, three minor league pitchers and a catcher who has the same name as a kid I was in a fantasy league with last year.

You know what that means. Florida Marlins, 2009 World Series Champions!!

And here my beloved New York Mets sit, with no chips to push to the center of the table, no bluff to use to steal a pot and no third poker metaphor to finish this sentence.

Omar Minaya is in Nashville right now walking around like the Chris Rock character "Cheap Pete" from In Living Color.
"How much for Johan Santana?... Good Lord that's a lot of money! How about Carlos Gomez and a groundskeeper?"
"How much for Danny Haren?... Tell ya what, I'll give you Philip Humber and a bus pass."
"How much for Erik Bedard?... OK, OK, let me see here. I got Mike Pelfrey and a bag of baseballs."
"How much for Livan Hernandez?" (Blogger's note: Please, no. Omar, no. NO)

I guess it would have been too difficult to just hold onto Scott Kazmir.

What's Victor Zambrano doing nowadays? Oh, you think he's a middle reliever for the New Haven County Cutters? Oh, the New Haven County Cutters went out of business? Well then he must be unemployed.

And the worse part of this whole thing is when I turned on Mets Hot Stove on SNY this past Monday, Jim Duquette was an in-studio host.

What?

Jim Duquette traded Scott Kazmir for Victor Zambrano and just 3 years later he's hosting a show on the Mets network? For those of you who aren't Mets fans — and judging by the polls conducted in Connecticut every year, 96% of you aren't — this is Eric Mangini hosting a Patriots' postgame show. This is "Hello, I'm Michael Kay alongside Pedro Martinez". This is the Celtics front office playing beer pong with the balls from the 1997 lottery.

Seeing Jim Duquette in the SNY studios analyzing the current GM — the one who succeeded him because he's a moron — is just an indication of what type of organization the Mets really are. They're second rate. If there was another baseball team in New York, they might be third rate. And I'm a die-hard Mets fan. When you get slapped in the face, it stings.

But that's the difference between the Mets and the Yanks. You won't turn on YES and find Kevin Brown and Carl Pavano analyzing Joba Chamberlain and Phil Hughes. Just switch over to SNY. I'm sure Jim Duquette thinks landing Ryan Church and Brian Schneider for Lastings Milledge was a steal.